I was attracted to Buddhism in my twenties when I was searching for answers, understanding and direction to dealing with the emotional turmoil I was in. I was attracted to the projection of peace it promised me, the cleanliness, the silence, the meditation, the clarity, the bells. For a while, I allowed myself to be Guru’d by a woman from Thailand who professed herself to be Buddha like and ‘knew the way’. I sat at her feet and listened to her, did group process work and attended several silent retreats. One day, near the end of my time with her, I was sitting on a pillow because I was having problems with my back. She told me that I could not sit on my pillow because I was sitting ‘higher’ than her. Well, that was probably the truth of it because I was out of there not long after that.
Buddhism and meditation have been a way for us to lift ourselves out of the pain human existence presents us with. What I do like about Buddhism is the Heart Presence it brings to facing and being present for our pain. The problem I see with Buddhism is that it takes us to the door of our pain but does not have the tools or answers about how to resolve it. We are to look at and feel our pain, and allow it to somehow ‘pass’. Or, we are to meditate our way out of it. In my experience, and from what I know from my own process work over the past 30 years, this is not enough.
The process of feeling our pain and getting light and love into it can be very messy. It can be as messy as it was to experience the pain in the first place. We are electro-magentic beings, and our denied emotions are locked up in the magnetic field of our bodies. To get this energy moving we need to re-experience the painful feelings and express these feelings through sound and vibration. That means feeling and expressing the grief, rage, and terror we are holding, in all of it’s various shades, with ourselves. This means allowing ourselves to get triggered into our feelings, and accepting that we need to be present with them and allow them to move without harming anyone in the process. This can be a very different experience that what the original pain was because we have our logical minds with us now. The feelings will probably be just as painful, at least until they move enough to clear them from our emotional field and our bodies. I wish I could promise you an easier way than this, but we have already tried that in the form of a medical system that gives us a pill for every ache and pain, but doesn’t offer anything in terms of real solutions. Just more avoidance of what we are holding, and sadly, what our bodies are holding and manifesting in the form of dis-ease.
This is how it works: if you are holding denial, you will attract from your outer reality the exact pressure you need in order to trigger yourself into these held feelings. How much pressure do you need? Do you need a big bang on the head (so-to-speak) to get your feelings moving, or can you be open to the subtler nuances that trigger you but don’t involve shattering your entire reality. Let me advise you from experience that the more you can allow yourself to move with the subtler triggers, the less you need to attract the bigger ones.
Film can be a great trigger. I allow myself to be triggered by this medium because I don’t have to leave the comfort of my couch in order to get certain emotions moving. I would far rather move with stuff from the screen than have to go out there and experience heavy, real life situations. As well, dreams are a wonderful fount for denied stuff. I find that feeling deeply into what comes up from my dream world helps me to access information and feelings that my logical mind may want to dismiss.
If something difficult comes into your world, it’s part of what you need to move on. No time like the present, if you are ready to move emotionally …