A whole bunch of things came together for me the other day that I would like to put down in story form and offer up for reading. Here goes…
I had a dream a few weeks ago that an energy field that was around me that was keeping me isolated from others was lifted. As soon as it lifted I felt this beautiful loving feeling between myself and others, but also fear. A few nights ago I had another dream where I wanted to go into this dark place where people were hanging out and setting up camp, but there was this crazy young man that came after me and wanted to chase me out. It seemed to me he was mentally ill and had been in this dark isolated place for a long time, and my presence was threatening to him. I was afraid of him, but also felt drawn to spend time in this place.
I knew upon waking that this was about some part of me, as I take all characters in my dream to be either a part of myself or reflecting something about myself. I put out my intention to heal with this aspect of myself. Later that day I went to walk a dog that I hadn’t walked before (I am a pet sitter for those that do not know). I had met this dog a few times, and it was friendly and seemed well adjusted, so I didn’t think walking the dog would be a problem. I took the dog out and it was very excited and was pulling on the leash immediately. I knew it was backed-up energetically and just figured it would calm down as we walked.
I wanted to walk in the park close by, and headed towards it. When it saw another dog, it was pulling very intensely to get to it. As I walked into the park there was a dog ahead on the path that it wanted to meet, and it was pulling super intensely to get to it. I pulled the dog off to the side to try to calm it down, but it just made things worse until I was having to use all my strength to control it. I was intent on controlling it and the man walking by with his dog was asking if he could help me, that he didn’t mind if the dogs were a aggressive and that he was willing to work things out with me.
At first I couldn’t hear him; I was involved with this intense struggle to control this dog. He was persistent though and I eventually heard what he was trying to say to me. We brought the dogs closer and there was a mix of frantic excitement and aggression, but also some calming as time went on. I was so relieved I started to cry. I hadn’t been feeling well that day, and the extra energy I put out trying to control the dog wore me out. The man offered to walk with us and work with my dog, and I was happy to have this help. The dog settled somewhat but still wanted intense interaction with the other dog, so it wasn’t a calm or peaceful walk, but it was manageable. He walked me back to the owners house and I put the dog into the backyard.
A friend also lives at this house who is emotions-friendly, so I went inside and told her what happened. I was still really triggered emotionally so I continued to let these feelings move. It was a lot and it was intense, but the feelings moved enough that I could get on with my day in a reasonable manner.
I knew that somehow this was a big deal for me, a big personal something that needed to move and evolve, but I didn’t have all the pieces of the puzzle together yet. The next day I had another pet sit to do which involved walking 2 sets of dogs; 2 little fluffy white dogs, and one big fluffy white dog. Through my processing I realized that I have not been allowing my socially needy dogs to have the outside interaction they need because of my fear of their aggression with other dogs. If there is another dog on the road, I often cross the road to avoid any interaction.
I feel this reflection is also symbolic of our interaction as a species. The aggression that lies on a subconscious level between all of us individually keeps us isolated from each other. As a species it seems we have all dealt with this by separating. Separate houses, separate lives, and territoriality has created a social neediness that has left our interpersonal needs unmet. Our dogs lives reflect this. We keep our animals boxed up in our houses, in kennels, or locked up in backyards all day, and we see this as ‘normal’. They are lonely, waiting for us dutifully to come home and interact with them. Our dogs are almost always on leashes because of fear of their aggression acting out. Then when our dogs get outside and come together there is sometimes conflict. As soon as dogs are put on leash or boxed up in yards they become territorial. Our dogs feel our own fear and act it out for us. If we are fearful our dogs reflect that.
This is not the true nature of dog, and probably not our true natures either. As most people know, dogs are pack animals and have high social needs. We have truly separated them from their natural state, as we have been as well.
After coming to these understandings in the past few days, I allowed the dogs I was walking to have more interaction with others. There was great pulling on leash’s and excitement to get together, some growling to declare space, but nothing horrendous that happened. It was a lot of my own unmoved fear the other day that created the ‘incident’, but it showed me something and I learned from it, and I am grateful for that. On top of that, I made a wonderful connection with the people on the other end of the leash. Win / win.
I believe that the dream of the aggressive male in the dark was about a part of myself that has been ostracized and living in darkness and isolation. It was time for me to make a daring shift. This feels like a true gift for me to resolve, and I feel I have released a part of myself from jail. That makes me feel VERY HAPPY