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Things did not look good financially at the beginning of July.  My husband and i have a petsitting business and we hardly had anything booked for the summer, traditionally our busy period.  yikes!  i was nervous.

Slowly though, work started to trickle in.  it seemed that people were leaving their travel plans to the last minute.  there are a lot of things i like about petsitting, but the financial insecurity of it is not one of them.

it’s now the end of august and what a busy summer it has been.  lots of new clients, new dogs and cats, new contacts, and though i’m tired, some steady work for the fall time.  as well, something came back to me this summer;  my self esteem.  a strengthening of my backbone.  what a pleasure it is to experience this!

it’s been a tough year.  i had a devastating blow in my family of origin.  what i learned is this:  the hardest lessons have the most to teach.  don’t get me wrong.  this was not a good time.  but what is true is that i have been sitting in my cave for a VERY LONG TIME.  i got quite comfortable sitting in my cave, though i also became BORED with my life.  but i am a Cancer, exceedingly sensitive.  with a hard shell.  that is a juxtaposition, if you haven’t noticed.

my new motto became; you learn from EVERYTHING.  even the tragedies.  so i learned.  and i knew that i had to take steps forward, even if just baby steps, and i needed to start believing i could even if i felt i couldn’t.  i needed to emerge from my cocoon, put my big toe in the water and see if i would survive.  yes, that is how it felt; would i survive?

and not only am i surviving, i am thriving.  the questions come up; will i continue to thrive?  will i fall back down into my hole?  do i have something to offer that others might value?  i needed to value myself first, to find that backbone, to have some self esteem.  where did it go?  was it ever there?  is this something new i have found?  Pisces in my first house always has me questioning.

only time will tell.  i am taking out my writer, my musician, my metaphysician, my artist, my teacher, and any other part of myself that wants to emerge and trying them out.  i am putting my irons in the fire and some of them are actually heating up and bearing fruit.  YEAH!  it’s not the end of the world!  it’s a new world.  DSCN1806